Our next adventure will be, here...

Many years ago when my son was very small he went for a drive with my Dad. My Dad had stopped the car and my son asked him "what's wrong Gag?" My Dad replied "we're lost" to which my son replied "we're not lost Gag, we're here..." I love that little conversation. I love even more how my Dad, God rest his soul, proclaimed nobody could ever be lost again. I often feel lost and then I remind myself I'm here, and probably exactly where I should be at any given time.

It's also like when people get really angry or frustrated when they are stuck in traffic or not being served quick enough at the checkout. I like to think it's not a delay, it's a reason. Maybe I will miss a forthcoming car crash due to my delay. Or maybe I will bump into a long lost friend due to my holdup.

So that's my outlook on life for today haha! My glass isn't half empty my glass isn't half full my glass is always refillable! And now I just have to decide what to fill my glass with. Milo and me are returning to the UK on December 22nd, Christmas with my family and then figure out our next adventure...


Life is a long and winding road...

My best friend...

Where to next co pilot... 

Returning to the UK...

Funny how the smallest situation can change our whole personality momentarily. If I find myself in a restaurant I am a certain type of customer. I will always eat the tough steak so as not to delay my fellow diners by reordering. I will not call over the waiter and bother his busy schedule to refill my drink. I will not complain of the stained table cloth causing someone to get into trouble. I will do without extra mayonnaise so as not to seem demanding. But... If a small insect should land in my hair whilst dining... I become the customer from hell. I will scream hysterically, I will jump up and down, I will tear my own hair out. I will require every available member of staff to assist me in removing this creature from hell. I will demand a complete and constant inspection of my hair for fellow beasties. I will need reassurance throughout my meal that said creature is not still crawling through my roots. I must have plenty of hugs and understanding from my fellow diners and hear them repeat that 'no, I am not over reacting' 'I would be the same' 'your behaviour is perfectly rational'. Until I can return to my normal unassuming, quiet and mild mannered personality... Today's drama.

I am returning to the UK. Not because of above mentioned beasties! I do miss the UK and have done for a while now. Portugal has been good to me but it's not home. I don't quite know where home is other than I have had, my whole life, that feeling of wanting to go home. I've still got my Motorhome and I miss being in it. It's my own personal space. It's my safe place. And it's mine.

I've signed up with a house sitting website and am hoping some wonderful person will ask me to care for their rural home over the winter months, even if I just park up next to it and be a caretaker. Then Milo and Me will hibernate for the winter and I will write my book. And, if I don't win the lottery, burn twigs, eat pine cones and drink from a stream...!

I miss my Beast...

This could be why I am single...

This is the man I am searching for. I am happy to stay single if I can't find him :)

Physically

Tall or at least four inches taller than me. His eyes will be his main feature, they will draw me in with every look. His hair will be any colour but there will be enough of it to run my fingers through. Body hair is fine as long as not a carpet back. No tattoos would be good also no jewellery other than a watch, which he will always remove in bed. His body will not be skinny, his shoulders will be broad, his belly may have a small pot to match mine. His upper arms will be strong enough to lay my head on at night. His thighs will be that of a rugby player that will enable me to dead leg him with my elbow when he winds me up. His hands will be manly and clean, with a gentle touch. His bottom will be the cutest thing in my world, but not as cute as mine...

Personality

He will ooze confidence with an air of arrogance that he has earned. He will be intelligent and know words that have to be explained to me without making me feel stupid. He will have an organised mind but will be able to throw caution to the wind at a moments notice. A funny man who always gets the hidden joke. Warm and kind hearted but won't suffer fools gladly. He will know his strengths and yet recognise his weaknesses. He will be honest enough to admit another lady is beautiful but faithful enough not to stray. He will be able to read me like a book without revealing the end...

Status

His employment will be important to him. His salary will afford us a luxurious lifestyle but will not be the most important detail in our relationship. He will come from a large and loving family who will welcome me with open arms. He will have a wide and varied mixture of friends who will become my friends also...

Us

He will always be attracted to me and me him. We will always respect each other's space. We will love each other unconditionally. We will have a mutual trust but both will always have the insight of reasonable doubt. We will strive on a daily basis to work on our relationship without excluding the outside world. And most importantly, he will love Milo...

Fail to prepare, prepare to fail ;)...

I'll just sit here and wait...

MiloandMe According To Milo...

I've not been myself of late. Just feeling a bit down and out of sorts. Not helped with hearing 'you're  so lucky, you have nothing to worry about, you have sunshine, you live in an idyllic location' etc etc.
Kind of makes me feel worse and unallowed to feel this way. I do believe anyone can feel anxious at any point in their life. The millionaire worrying what size speedboat to buy. The beautiful lady up-keeping  her looks. The holy man loosing his faith. We all wobble even when we seem to have it all. We are all, at some point, just holding it together on the inside and yet being perceived as sane! I think everyone in the world is just on the brink of madness. But I wouldn't have it any other way :)

So I've been doing lots of soul searching and trying to understand me. Not an easy task as I constantly change my mind or just shut down. Difficult talking to yourself when you don't want to talk about it lol. I have realised that I'm a person who likes solitude and always thought I should never admit it. But I am admitting it 'I like my own company' there I've said it! That's not to say I can't and won't be a party animal, I just know which I prefer.

I've now come up with a plan. I've discussed it with Milo and he is all for it. I'm going to rewrite my whole blog MiloandMe According To Milo. Every entry will be how Milo perceived the days events throughout our adventure.  I'm really going to enjoy doing this and feel quite focused. Now all I need to do is find a suitable quiet, rural location to park up the Beast and hibernate for the winter and get writing. Anyone in the Uk with a spare field I can borrow? (preferably with electric socket!)...

Happy Birthday Milo...

Four years ago Milo came into my life. How he got here is quite a funny story. I'd always been adamant I wouldn't have a dog. I believed dogs should be in large families with someone at home for the dog. Having always been a single mum I felt it would be unfair on any dog living with me and my son. My son had different ideas and spent years mythering me for a dog. I always stood my ground.

One day my son asked if he could talk to me about something important. I was all ears but he said what he had to say was extremely difficult. I became quite concerned and said he could tell me anything as I love him dearly. He said he didn't know how to tell me. At this point I was thinking all sorts and said just spit it out! "Mum" he said "my girlfriend is pregnant"... My mind went into overdrive and all I could say was "PREGNANT??!!"  "No" he replied "but I'm  getting a dog"
"Yes" I replied "of course, let's get a dog"...

And that's when we met Milo. My son made all the usual promises that he would walk him before and after his work and I wouldn't have to lift a finger to help! Of course my maternal instincts kicked in as soon as we brought Milo home and I've yet to see my son pick up pooh.

Two years ago my son decided to move into his own place and there was a moment when I was terrified he might want to take Milo with him. But I think even he knew at that point that Milo and Me were inseparable. I never knew how much love I could feel for Milo. If it wasn't for him I would never have done what I've done. Milo makes me want to get up in the morning (mainly because he wants his breakfast!).  He's my best friend and I hope we get to celebrate many more birthdays together...

My Milo...

The anxiety of man boobs...

I am trying to figure out  how I am feeling just now and I think it is anxious. I feel scared for no reason. I feel sick without being sick. I feel a struggle to breathe.  Busy places freak me out. Sounds panic me. My thoughts are overwhelming or absent. I feel like I miss 'me'...All of which good old Google describes as anxiety.

I shouldn't feel like this when the sun shines every day, I am surrounded by wonderful people and I don't live a 9 to 5 life. But I do. And I don't like this feeling. Today I sat in a cafe watching the Ocean crash onto the beach and tried to zone out. But an old fat hairy man sat in front of me, removed his top, exposed his 'man boobs' and proceeded to whistle loudly and out of tune. I got in the Mouse and drove to the cliff top. I parked up and sat in the passenger seat where I tried to pretend I was in the Beast. I sat looking out the window at the same Ocean and imagined Milo was lying on the bed behind me. I could hear the waves and if I closed my eyes it felt like being back on the road. That is until a car pulled up right next to me blasting out some loud rap music.

So I'm now back at the big beach house, with Classic FM on my earphones, where it seems Milo has picked up on my mood and is behaving badly.

I'm not very good at talking about my feelings and find it easier to write them down. It's like therapy. So thank you to whoever is reading this as I feel better already! I know my main concern is, as is everybody's, is what my future holds. And it just seems a bit vacant at the moment...

Sometimes you just gotta scream...

Just Love...

Oooer... 

Family time...

Feeling a little lonely today. My sister Pip and her boyfriend left last night after spending a week here with Milo and me.  We loved having them here, especially as I'm so close to Pip, she just 'gets' me. And Milo was so happy having two people who adore him nearly as much as I do. It was also lovely having daily conversations spoken in English!

We did a fair bit of exploring, I also took them to all my favourite coffee stops. I even drove them to the market but silly satnav lady took us via a mountain and a farmers field. Best bit was spending a day on the beach like a proper holiday maker, sadly Milo is not allowed on the big beach. We even got in a tour of Lisbon city before their flight. Unfortunately I fell over twice, once over a small bollard whilst turning back to talk to them and then again whilst stepping (or forgetting to) through a doorway in a garage door.

I think they both enjoyed their stay at the big beach house. They both were so helpful in the preparations for the big wedding in three weeks. Casa Branca is so aptly named, we never want to see a tin of white paint again! I loved seeing them together as a loving couple. They were childhood sweethearts and reunited after over thirty years through Facebook. They are so happy together it gives me a renewed hope that I too could have that one day :)

I'm now starting to think about winter. My dream would be to find a house sit in a rural UK location and write my memoirs!...

Love my sis Pip...

Happy days...

Sisters... 

Lisbon and my new hat (thank you mummy)... 

 Yeay The Mouse... 

Fun in the sun... 

Milo and Me... Will we ever be three...

When I look back it amazes me how much has happened to me in just over a year. It mainly feels quite surreal. If someone had said to me 'this is going to happen as you approach fifty' I would have said "Hell yeah!"

I'm no different to anyone else who wishes they were in a loving and secure relationship. My dreams and ambitions are not out of the ordinary. Perhaps it's just the way I went about it that sets me aside...

In short: I left a full time job, I left my home of sixteen years, I sold practically everything I owned, I bought a motorhome, I started writing a blog, I travelled around Scotland, I made new friends, I lost old friends, I enjoyed a relationship, I lost a relationship, I travelled to Southern America, I moved into my mums back garden, I travelled around Ireland, I arrived in Portugal, I had my life documented through worldwide media. I'm having an amazing adventure at a time in my life I assumed would have been complete. Sometimes this feels like just the beginning.

 And all this happened with Milo, my best friend, by my side. I looked for love, I'm still looking for love, and yet I've had love by my side the whole time...

Met this little fella four years ago...

Always by my side MiloandMe...

Chatting up dead men...

Milo and me are getting quite excited as my sister Pip and her boyfriend are coming to visit us in Portugal next Monday.  Ali has a list of jobs for them to do for her in preparation for the forthcoming wedding at the big beach house (about five weeks away!) but I'm sure we'll still find time to have some fun. And I know Milo is going to be uber excited to see them.

I had a practice run to the airport today with hunky friend. We went to pick up his equally hunky friend who is visiting. I love airports but unfortunately we spent our time waiting in a petrol station so as to avoid extortionate parking charges. Makes me laugh here how people wander around the forecourt of petrol stations randomly smoking away. In the UK even if you use your mobile phone in a garage people think it will blow the place up. Anyway the airport run went without a hitch so fingers crossed I'll find it on my own when I go to pick up Pip and not end up in the Algarve. Or my illusive Thai prison!

We went to a garden centre at the weekend looking for a fountain, Ali ended up buying a selection of Buddahs which someone has now pointed out that they look like dead babies!
Me and Milo are still loving our daily walks on the beach, as yet still to find a handsome stranger. Although I did park up the Mouse this morning and noticed a man lying in the bushes in front of me. I did think he was possibly dead and upon closer inspection he may as well have been. The search goes on...

Me doing my Buddah impression...

Baby Buddahs...

Difficult to spot me here...

Dead man... 

Ab Fab Gran...

Ali found her boom box yesterday morning so we had some fab tunes blasting through the big beach house. As we have no paying guests just now this was all fine and even Gran seemed to enjoy as I jiggled  her up and down on her vibrating mattress. We plugged the tunes into the car stereo on our way to the market where I spotted, on route, the location of my recent 'drugs run'. At which point the stereo was blasting out a background noise of a police car siren and I automatically threw myself into the footwell under the seat! In my head shouting 'hit the gas Ali'.

Sometimes I think poor Gran, she must feel like she is living with Patsy and Edina from the Absolutely Fabulous sitcom. One night when we were lifting her from the wheelchair to her bed Ali grabbed Grans legs to lift onto the bed but grabbed one of mine too, I didn't even realise until I was practically in bed with her! The other day, down the corridor, I was walking behind Ali pushing Gran in the wheelchair when her trousers fell down to her ankles, she just kept walking, albeit wonky and providing me with a right eyeful!

Sometimes when the three of us are just chilling with Netflix Gran does her 'dead' impression. This involves Gran just staring into space and holding her breath for the longest time. Freaks me and Ali out every time! On other occasions Gran does her 'exorcist' impression when she lets out a very loud and long gargled noise from deep within. That one freaks us out even more. Once when in a shopping mall my bestie friend, Sue, told me that the wheelchair wheels can grip the moving escalator floor going downhill. No they can't! The shopping trolleys can. Nearly lost Gran that day!

Gran is an absolute trooper for 90 years of age. Nobody knows her view of the world she lives in but I like to think she's having an 'absolutely fabulous' giggle with me and Ali...

Gran 90 years young...

Milo guarding Gran...

Gossiping with Gran...

Tall dark handsome naked guests...

For some reason the beginning of my blog disappeared from public view. I'm rubbish with technology but am a little bit impressed with myself that after months of trying I have sort of reinstated the beginning of my blog. I've managed to create a page of 'all blog' although the text is so pale it's practically invisible and you have to click into July to access June and May! But for me this is a techno breakthrough :) If anyone reading this knows better I'm open to help.

I've managed to shake off my Stavros admirer and now the only recent attention I've received has come via a sex shop asking me to help promote and fund their latest vibrator. Oh and I'm still receiving follows from 'sexy' girls on Twitter. I did happen to see the other day a little mate for the Mouse. I didn't think there existed a smaller vehicle than the Mouse, but there is. They would make a lovely couple.

Last night I met some of our new paying guests. Unfortunately they were in their bathroom getting dressed at the time! Earlier in the day the key to their door wouldn't work so during the evening I took the handyman upstairs (oooh lala!) having thought the guests were out for the evening, and just barged into their room to be confronted with quite an eyeful. But, in my devious mind, I'm storing this 'broken door' excuse for any tall, dark, handsome potential paying guests that may visit...

Who needs who...

Mate for Mouse...

My Mouse...

Chatted up by Stavros...

I've been 'laying low' since my drugs run. Especially as I've since found out the Mouse only has one headlight. I was lucky I wasn't pulled over with me saying 'oh I'm just holding this little package for my friend'. (Sounds quite rude that... Sorry friend!).

I did go out during the day on Wednesday. Took myself on a little road trip to Caldas Da Rainha. I parked the Mouse in a little back street and did my 'Hanzel and Gretel' trick by photographing various things to follow to find my way back. Guess which photo jogged my memory? Hmmm yes.  I spent most of the day sitting in cafes people watching, one of my favourite hobbies. Did the same yesterday, went to Coimbra and spent my day in the old town sat at pavement cafes. I did at one point think the street entertainer was a bit weird, until I realised he was just a wanna be punk high on something and not actually dancing for the crowd. The policeman seemed to calm him down somewhat.

This morning, whilst walking Milo at the lagoon I was approached and chatted up by a man. Sadly not my tall dark handsome knight in shining armour I've so often dreamed about. No, more of a Stavros lookalike wearing a wife beater vest, cap on backward sporting some multi coloured shades and originating from Wrexham of all places. He offered to walk me home, which I managed to decline, and would love to meet up the same time tomorrow. Unfortunately Milo, tomorrow's walk will be much later in the day than normal...

Yes...

Callas De Rainha...

Miami Vice and the Mouse...

I had a rather unusual Saturday night. Based on my naivety it appears I went on a 'drugs run'. I was out with friends when I was asked if I could drive a friend of a friend to the next town to pick something up. 'Oh yes that's no problem I have the mouse'.
So the gentleman hops into the mouse and off we drive. It was quite late and dark and my vision was blurred by the sea mist and lack of water for my wipers. Along the way he made various phone calls, none of which I understood, then asked me to pull into a petrol station. We went into the petrol station, bought drinks and sat back in the car. While we're sitting there blasting out some rather good 80's tunes  I ask who are we waiting for and am informed he is not sure as it is a new supplier. This is when I realise I am on a 'drugs run'.
Well I'm quite disappointed we are in a well lit, busy petrol station and not down a dark alley behind a wheelie bin wearing some form of disguise. As if to humour me the petrol station then closes shutting off all lights. So there we are sitting in the mouse on a dark forecourt waiting for the 'drug pusher'.
What if it's a set up, what if they're onto us, what if that lady closing up the shop is undercover Miami Vice? Or what if the new drug pusher don't like the look of us, or just mugs us, or even has a gun? My imagination went into overdrive and my future consisted of spending the next twenty years in a Thai prison at best, or shot dead in the mouse.
Whilst all these thoughts are running through my head a big motorbike pulled up next to my open window. I didn't know whether to put my hands up or put my foot down. Anyway the rider mumbled in a foreign language and put something in my hand. My friend had in the meantime got out the car and I'm left sitting there with 'the goods'. When he got back in the mouse I threw them at him like a hot potato, revved the engine and drove like a bat out of hell convinced we were being tailed...

Just for the record and to protect all identities (mainly me!) I know no names and saw no faces...

Me...

Men in speedos is not a good look...

Living in Portugal... I'm getting used to the fact that my steering wheel hasn't been stolen, and am learning to enter the car from the left. I'm discovering that flies don't just land on shit, they like me too. A lot. I'm accepting the fact that walking barefoot on sand every day doesn't make my feet baby soft, more like as rough as a badgers arse! I've learnt that I actually miss rain, like real heavy wet rain that warrants a big hot chocolate after the fact. I've succumbed to the 'another beer?' Oh why not the sun is shining. Hence pot belly bikini girl. I'm forgiving all the people I meet on my walks for not saying hello to me and Milo, it's just not what they do here. But I'll keep on saying hello. I'm enjoying off loading all my inner thoughts on Gran knowing she'll never tell a soul. Portugal is mainly all good for MiloandMe.

I don't know if organising a wedding is the same worldwide but Ali is organising her daughters wedding to be held in the big beach house in October and my word it's stressful. Kind of puts me off finding the man of my dreams, or at least calls for an elopement should the occasion arise. On that front there really isn't much action. As per usual I'm being extremely fussy and holding out for Mr Perfect. We have some more paying guests in the big beach house and it transpired one gentleman was single. I got quite excited until I spied him heading to the pool in his speedos. Not a sight for the faint hearted. I went to the local Festa last week but it seemed to be full of teenagers and aged DJ's. I tried the local Circus too thinking I might meet an exciting lion tamer, but the show was cancelled due to lack of visitors. So I'm back to trawling the beach in search of a sexy fisherman. Which isnt proving easy as Milo still insists on eating their catches from the buckets they leave on the shore...

Telling Gran my secrets...

Sexy DJ...

No lion tamers here... 

I'm so special...

So I'm sitting in a cafe minding my own business drinking my coffee. I start to notice that everyone is  looking at me, like really looking at me. I did happen to wash and blow dry my hair and had even worn a touch of mascara so I'm beginning to think I'm looking a little bit extra special today. That is until I stood up to leave and realise I am sitting right in front of the 'specials board' !
Later in the day I stopped for a small beer in a local bar. I checked in on Facebook and immediately got a 'like' from the dishy barman standing behind me. I thanked him on leaving, we made friends on Facebook and he promised me tapas on my return. I left the bar, once again feeling a little extra special, aware he was maybe watching me walk to my car, so I did my oh so confident 'flick the hair walk' then got into the Mouse on the wrong side!

I took the Mouse for a car wash the other day mainly to remove half the beach from it. I also now know why a beach bag is so called (see photo!). I mainly cleaned the Mouse as Mr Hunky was returning from his business trip and as he so kindly lent me the Mouse I wanted him to see what great care I was taking of it. Don't think he was that bothered about Mouses well being though, as we went to the local Festa, behaved like teenagers, and drove back at about 3 in the morning with Mr Hunky thinking it would be fun to wrap his hands over my eyes whilst I drove down the road. It most likely improved my driving!

Fantastic news on Milo and Max's friendship. They actually curled up on the couch together the other night and slept for about an hour. They still fight like big brother little brother most days but practically spooning on the couch is a big step forward...

Washing the Mouse...

Beach bag...

Best friends...