Duck it's a pineapple...

I've had a lovely Christmas and can't believe it's over for another year. I got new wellies, Joules no less, new pyjamas and an electric toothbrush. I got cash from Pip which unfortunately I lost amongst the piles of wrapping paper and so spent most of Boxing Day rooting through the bins, thankfully I found it. Christmas morning we piled into the Beast and headed to my mums for dinner. I managed to take a bend far too sharply and my mums present shot off the bench and smashed onto the floor. It was a China duck and rattled when she unwrapped it. She said it's the thought that counts and placed it in the bath.

Christmas dinner was delicious, all cooked by mum. And our after dinner party game was pass the parcel wearing oven gloves. Mixed with alcohol it was all rather raucous. Milo spent most of the day eating wrapping paper and also managed to sneak a whole bowl of cheese Pringles. My mum only has one spare bedroom and my son and his girlfriend managed to bag that early on. So me Pip and her partner slept in my van on the drive. I'd bought them a pineapple plant for Christmas as it apparently stops snoring. I seriously felt like hitting them both over the head with it at about 4am!

Tinder has once again let me down and didn't provide a Christmas boyfriend. For a few days I was chatting with a gentleman quite well, who wanted to meet up, but then he just disappeared. But I met an old friend today for coffee and he has just met someone online and says he is really happy. So I won't give up yet. On a plus, my face is healing so maybe next time I'm in the woods I'll pick a huge bush of mistletoe in preparation for New Year...

Heading off for Christmas...

The next morning...

The snoring stopper pineapple plant... 

My new Joules wellies... 

MiloandMe ❤️... 

The one when George Clooney came to stay...

I've had a quiet week as far as dating goes. My face has been far too scabby to inflict upon anyone. And the pain has been pretty unbearable too. So I've pretty much hidden away all this week. This gave occasion to spend more time in the woods with Milo so he's more than happy with my gruesome  face. Unfortunately the lovely fresh snow we had at the beginning of the week has now melted and the latter half of this week has been like a Tough Mudder exercise every day.

My week has been so quiet that I persuaded Pip to hunt out that old photo of George Clooney in my van. The one when I picked him up whilst he was down on his luck and hitchhiking round the UK. Obviously, being the kind hearted female that I am, I offered him my couch for the night and put a few quid in his pocket the next day. I have heard he is now 'repaying' people from his past who were there for him in times of need. Reckon he might have forgotten about me... Haha.

My week slightly improved in that I got a facebook reminder that exactly one year ago I appeared on TV with Ardal O'Hanlon in Ireland. We were filmed with Willie the Matchmaker, matching me up with Kevin. (Not the carrot)  My face says it all. And Milo farted on camera.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yOysPBwGa8I

I've taken opportunity during my quiet week to do some more book writing. It's frustrating that one minute I love most of what I've written so far and then I hate all that I've written. Also not helped by the fact I'm writing it all on an iPad which constantly shuts down mid paragraph. Without saving...

My very sore, very scabby face...

Milo time...

Can't believe George doesn't remember this night... 

I can't even pull a carrot...

This dating malarkey is somewhat confusing. I had a date last week through the tinder app and I thought it went quite well. He was a somewhat unusual character but unusual is the type I'm generally drawn to! Anyway he took a whole week to get back in touch so I can only assume he's not really that interested in me. Another gentleman on the other hand is more than enthusiastic in his messages and was sending about ten a day, with little input from me. At one point he even messaged that he was off shopping and did I need anything?. We've never met. I could see from his profile that he lives extremely close to me so I decided it would be a good idea to meet up, just in case I'm (without knowing) walking past him every day. Anyway since I suggested this I've never heard from him again. I swear even Carrots have a more successful love life than me!

None of this is helped by the fact that I have a really scabby face just now. I have what are known as precancerous cells on my face and am having to treat them with a chemotherapy cream for eight weeks. This is the second time I have had to go through this process.  I am now at the stage where they are really painful, quite unsightly and difficult to disguise with makeup. Not a good look if one is trying to impress upon a gentleman, or even a carrot for that matter. Word to the wise take care of your young self, NEVER use sun beds and always use sunscreen. Or, like me, you will struggle to even pull a carrot.

Although, I was slightly uplifted whilst wandering through Liverpool One as I was plucked from the crowd to partake in a football competition. I guess I didn't look too repulsive that day. JD sports had on offer a £50 voucher for the most headers scored. I was dressed in my full length fur coat, six inch heels and teamed up with a lovely young, professional header, man. The other 'girl' was about 18 and wearing a tracksuit and trainers. She scored five. I scored one and even that shot into the crowd and hit an innocent bystander. No prizes for me they said but it's the taking part that counts. Therefore I will continue with this dating malarkey...

Lucky in love carrots...

My stalker...

Another of my balls-ups...

Must keep trying...

I miss my sexy knickers...

I am middle aged. I discovered this fact this morning when reading an article about a 'middle aged woman' who is 51. How did this happen without me noticing? I don't want to be 'that woman' I want to remain 'that girl'. I guess now I come to think about it I am slowly becoming older not younger which is how I tend to normally behave.  For one my knickers have got bigger, I remember the day when my knickers were so skimpy I could use them to tie my hair up for a spontaneous act of passion! The only groans I hear from my mouth now are when I have to bend down to put my socks on. Bedtime excitement for me is removing my makeup and putting my jammies on at 7pm.

Online dating is not making me feel any younger, in fact quite the opposite. Most of my messages are from men nearer to my mums age than mine. Talking of my mum she sent me a message the other day quite excited that Paul Hollywood is now single! She thinks I could court his affections by baking him a cake. I told her he was quite out of my league and she then informed me he has brothers I could try. I'm sure she has my best interests at heart, or she's desperate for me to get hitched.

Maybe not as desperate as me though. Last week I went to the Walker Art Gallery in Liverpool on a man hunt. Thinking I might come across a tall dark handsome stranger whilst perusing paintings. Unfortunately all I  came across were large groups of small children on school trips. So I took myself up Bold Street and sat with a coffee to do some people watching. And there he was. My handsome stranger, walking towards me. He was rather breathtaking and we engaged in eye contact, the sort where neither of you let go. He gave me a knowing smile as he walked on by, out of my life. Ha! I don't give up that easy. I grabbed my handbag and started following him through the city. He weaved in and out the crowds of shoppers whilst I followed in hot pursuit, feeling like a mixture of a detective come stalker. Sadly I was wearing six inch heels, couldn't keep up and lost him after about five minutes, which probably was the best outcome as I have no idea what I would have said had I caught up with him... "Wanna see my big knickers?..."

The girl that was verses the woman I am...

My mothers high expectations...

The Walker Art Gallery, empty of men...

Dating dilemmas...

My Beast has had a well overdue clean. I've kept the inside clean but outside was pretty mucky, with bits of moss growing in places. One big soapy yard brush later and he's as good as new, well, besides the rust which is growing as quick as the moss. Whilst cleaning I came across my map of Scotland highlighting our route. It wasn't quite NC500, more of a zig zag journey due to me, so often, getting lost. Nonetheless I loved it all and would do it all again in a heartbeat.

Milo stayed indoors whilst I cleaned the van, mainly because he is scared of hose pipes and thinks yard brushes are to be chased and attacked. Yesterday I bought Milo his first Christmas decoration, it's a cute little snow globe with a reindeer inside who I swear looks the spit of Milo. He didn't seem too impressed when I showed him it.

I'm debating, at the moment, a dilemma on a dating website. It's called mysinglefriend and I've signed up for free. I can read the messages I've been sent by various gentlemen but I have to pay a subscription if I want to reply. As I'm so poor just now I've put off subscribing, but there is an automatic message reply button, one suggesting that the gentleman pays for your subscription. A particular gentleman has sent me a few messages, in the latest one he is suggesting he makes a payment to secure me... He certainly isn't someone I could picture myself being with and I feel it would be unkind to take his money with nothing in return. I guess I could accept his offer and just meet him for coffee to say thank you. But would that not be leading him on? Hmm what to do...

Milo's lookalike Christmas snow globe...

Milo's unimpressed face...

Cleaning the Beast...

Zig zagging Scotland...

My sisters boyfriend is not flirting with me...

I've been staying with my sister and her boyfriend for a while now, they've been most accommodating  towards Milo and me. There are also two cats residing with us who mainly stay out of Milos way and vice versa. It appears Milo is scared of cats and when they do venture out of the bedroom Milo frets like a baby and tends to run to his bed, crying. The black cat is not called Russel.  Russel is the name  embossed in his feeding bowl. I have been calling him Russel for a while now. Russel never comes to me when I call. The black cat is apparently named Babe. And I thought my sisters boyfriend was flirting with me...

Today I got the train over to Liverpool to Saint George's Hall for Remembrance Sunday. It was a befitting tribute to all service men and women, past and present. Thousands of poppy petals were scattered from the roof top of St Georges Hall, it was wonderful. I was also in my element eyeing up all the men in uniform! Later I wandered into town for a coffee and spotted a rather handsome man, loitering nervously, in the doorway of Debenhams. He was in front of the window display of #YouShall have your Christmas wish. Hmm I thought, maybe he is waiting for a blind date, maybe he doesn't know what she looks like, maybe I could approach him and pretend to be said blind date and we would live happily ever after! Whilst I was planning my approach and chat up line "Hi there, so sorry I'm late, have you been waiting long?" He disappeared off into the shop with an equally attractive lady, no doubt the actual love of his life. Hey ho you can't blame a girl for dreaming...

Hello Babe...

Don't call me Russell...

Lest we forget...

Hello Babe...

#YouShall live happily ever after... 

Sometimes a girl just needs a cuddle...

I've had a busy kind of week, good, quite good and very good. I had a random invite from a friend to a birthday party. I didn't know anyone there but had a good night non the less. I also received a message from an American boy I met in San Pedro two years ago, he was visiting the UK with his friend and suggested we meet up in Liverpool. They were good fun guys and made me laugh that evening. I left to go home and they carried on partying in the city bringing to mind An American Warewolf in Liverpool movie. I also had a lunch date with someone I met on Tinder, it was our second date and was very pleasant. Will there be a third? I'm not sure. I went to a lovely firework display on Hoylake beach, had coffee with Milo at the Red Fox and played in a kids park at the Harvest Mouse.

This week my lovely next door neighbour knocked at my door to inform me her friend had overheard on BBC Radio Two that a gentleman in Scotland was trying to find that lady who travelled round Scotland in a van with her dog? Hmm, I wonder if he'll find me? I wonder who he is? Also this week I received an interesting message from someone I don't know praising me on my style of writing, he provided me with lots of positive feedback and plenty of encouragement to write that book! This in turn led me to spend the whole day in my van writing some more of my book. But the best bit for me this week was trying to arrange a meeting with a publisher who is interested in publishing my book, mega excited is an understatement.

Weird thing is although I've had a really good week I'm now sitting on the couch with Milo feeling really down. Milo is on edge because of the fireworks and is in need of lots of cuddles. I'm just probably feeling sad due to a lack of cuddles...

Wearing high heels...

Having fun...

Oh wherefore art thou cuddles... 

Shit, it's a dead cat...

Hooray the clocks have gone back, I can see, the mornings are lighter. Couldn't come quick enough for Milo and me as I nearly made a big fool of myself yesterday morning. We were driving down the road towards the woods when I spotted a dead cat lying in the road. I slowed down ready to stop, pullover and knock on a few doors asking if anyone was missing a moggy? As I got closer I soon realised the dead cat was infact a pile of horse manure! Could have received some very funny looks trying to cradle that in my arms.

The woods are beautiful this time of year, all golden and warm colours yet cold and breathtaking. We love Autumn. I love watching the geese fly off to warmer climates and wish I was travelling with them on their adventure. I think it's time I planned another adventure for MiloandMe. I kind of like the idea of going back to the West Coast of Scotland but am not sure the Beast could stand the cold. Every few days his engine battery is flat and it's not even that cold yet. Not sure what that's all about.

Poor Milo is now hiding in the bedroom having heard a firework in the distance. So I've made him a little den to feel safe in and am playing him some soothing music in the background. It's like this every year but it still breaks my heart...

Autumn in the woods...

Migrating South...

Milo in his den... 

Milo and The Milk Tray Man...

I for one can't wait for the clocks to fall back an hour. Milo and me have got into a routine of our daily walk being at about 7am. Unfortunately for the last few weeks it has been extremely dark in the woods at 7am, I can't see where I'm going (story of my life!). Milo doesn't care and insists on waking at 6.30 for his breakfast and then mithers me until I agree to venture out. He does everything that he knows will annoy me: empty the bin; eat my socks; steal my slippers, just to get me out of the armchair.

This morning though he was very quiet. He was up to something. He was lurking around looking rather suspicious. And it appears he was up to something, he has been online and entered me into a competition! He has put me forward to be the recipient of a box of Cadburys Milk Tray chocolate delivered by himself, accompanied by The Milk Tray Man. They will both go on a mission, risking life and limb, to deliver said chocolates to me. I, of course, will be waiting deep in the woods in my log cabin lying by a log fire looking suitably gorgeous praying for their safe arrival.

 Now I appreciate The Milk Tray Man and I won't live happily ever after, what with him having to carry out these missions on a daily basis, but if only for a moment I will get a taste of this. And of course the chocolate...

Milo ready for his mission...

I think I hear their helicopter approaching...

Ready for my chocolates...

Hoping for mission accomplished...

A Tinder has-been living alone in the woods...

I want to live in the woods. I really don't mind where the woods are as long as I'm surrounded by them. I will live there with my husband and Milo. My husband will operate as a secret service spy and will go away for weeks at a time on top secret spy missions. Occasionally I will meet up with him at worldwide locations for a romantic hotel rendezvous, otherwise I will wait upon his return to our house in the woods.

On this note I have joined Tinder. I've not quite met James Bond yet but I've had some interest. I took some professional advice regarding how to work Tinder and was told to always swipe right. Apparently men take rubbish photos of themselves and aren't very good on description. Well after a day of much swiping right I'm now receiving some pretty weird messages and have decided I'm going to have to be a bit more selective in my swipe right motion. I have had one date so far and it went ok. He turned up. We then arranged to meet up for dinner on a second date but I got a bit greedy and arranged to meet another date two hours before him. Saves on petrol I thought. Anyway to cut a long story short I got a bit confused as to which one I was messaging and got my times a bit mixed up when date two asked to alter the time. At which point they both had to cancel and I had no dates and nothing to eat for my tea. At this rate I will be living in the woods like a has-been Goldilocks/Little Red Riding Hood...

Me waiting for James Bond...

My house in the woods... 

Milo collecting fire wood...

Help me out here Tinder...

London girl...

Today is my sons 30th birthday and he is in Rome with his girlfriend. I bought him a suitcase. I would have preferred to buy a ticket and fly out to surprise him but I don't think he would have been too impressed with that! I can't believe he's thirty already, he's my pride and joy, my biggest achievement. It only feels like yesterday that I was in hospital in London, during the Big Storm, staring at this funny little fella in a plastic box next to my bed. I did wonder if I'd be a good enough mum and if he'd turn out alright. I think we've both surpassed my expectations. Even if he does think I'm a nutty mum :)

I went to London this week on a little day trip. There was a reason for my journey but it's top secret and if I tell you I have to shoot you. And I don't have a gun. I travelled down on a Virgin train and rather enjoyed overhearing the various conversations of the other travellers. Other people's lives are so interesting. I did a bit of sight seeing round the Marylbone area and visited a famous bookshop called The Daunt. I was a little bit naughty and placed a picture of MiloandMe over a book cover in the travel section. Just to see what it looked like. A girl can dream. Hopefully my dream will come true one day. I paid £3.30 for a small latte, wandered through Regents Park, tried to enter what I thought was a popular looking bar full of men which on closer inspection turned out to be student facilities and then walked to Euston station where I ate in a little back street Italian restaurant. I love London. I could be a London girl.

I am now back on the Wirral, Milo ate one of my slippers, the Beast has a flat battery and I have blisters on my feet...

Thirty years ago...

London girl...

The Daunt bookshop...

My ambition,  second shelf... 

Happy Birthday Milo...

It was Milo's 5th birthday on 3rd October.  And I forgot. I'm such a bad mum, I only realised when I got one of those facebook memories showing his first birthday. I'd been out most of the day shopping and getting my hair cut (of which my mum and sister said it doesn't look any shorter! see pic!). Anyway I made it up to him and took him off in the Beast for an adventure. Although I'm not so sure he enjoyed it. It's been so long since we slept in the van and he kept sitting by the door waiting to get out. We only went down the road so that's probably what confused him.

I chose a really quiet location, plied Milo with biscuits and a tin of sardines I'd brought back from France and snuggled down on the couch with him. Then the noise kicked in. Our peaceful location felt like being parked next to a motorway once the farmer started ploughing the field. This went on until about 1am. Somehow I managed to sleep through most of the night, only waking up once, as I'd chosen to sleep in my clothes under the duvet and 3 blankets my fleecy lined leggings had to be removed. But sleeping in the overhead cabin bunk it felt a bit like getting undressed inside a coffin. I could see Milo's bemused look in the moonlight watching this activity.

We woke up quite early as Milo had vomited up last nights snacks all over the carpet. We then headed down to the beach and our favourite cafe the White Owl. Then we packed up the Beast and went back to Pips. It was only a short trip in the Beast but it made me realise how much I miss him. If I could afford to I'd drive round in the Beast forever...

It is shorter...

Waking up the Beast...

Zoom in to see Milo...

Our favourite cafe... 

Can my ugly mug attract Mr Right...

I really should look in a mirror before I leave the house in future. Yesterday, as usual, I threw on my coat and wellies (sometimes on top of my pyjamas) and headed to the woods with Milo. When we got out the car Milo dropped his ball which rolled between the feet of three men discussing which route they were about to jog. Hmm, I thought, as I leant in to retrieve the ball. They all stopped talking and just stared at me, for more than a few seconds. I smiled and went on my way. Then I raised my hand to move my hair out my face and that is when I realised I had not removed the previous evenings face mask. No wonder they were staring at me, my face was just a mass of white sticky goo. I must have looked like something from a horror movie!

Milo has had quite a good week. Pips boyfriend bought him a squeaky duck, well it was squeaky until he ripped it's insides out. I've also found a lovely new coffee house and Milo loves it too. It's called The White Owl and is in a beautiful location in Thurstaton.
I had a shopping day with my son and his girlfriend yesterday and my son very kindly offered to buy me some new wine glasses... See photo!

And on a final note I've joined Tinder! I tried it a few years ago and wasn't successful finding love haha. But I'm giving it another shot. It's a bit gruesome to be honest. Like looking at someone's face and then just binning them. Why do men wear sunglasses in their pics? They may as well just put a bag on their head. And don't get me started on the weirdo pics including carpets, underpants, bathroom selfies, seriously too close close ups etc etc. Anyway I've had over a thousand likes so fingers crossed the odds are in my favour, or the oddballs are...

Milo's Duck...

What's left of the duck...

Our new haunt...

My drink problem...