Monday, 3 October 2016

The anxiety of man boobs...

I am trying to figure out  how I am feeling just now and I think it is anxious. I feel scared for no reason. I feel sick without being sick. I feel a struggle to breathe.  Busy places freak me out. Sounds panic me. My thoughts are overwhelming or absent. I feel like I miss 'me'...All of which good old Google describes as anxiety.

I shouldn't feel like this when the sun shines every day, I am surrounded by wonderful people and I don't live a 9 to 5 life. But I do. And I don't like this feeling. Today I sat in a cafe watching the Ocean crash onto the beach and tried to zone out. But an old fat hairy man sat in front of me, removed his top, exposed his 'man boobs' and proceeded to whistle loudly and out of tune. I got in the Mouse and drove to the cliff top. I parked up and sat in the passenger seat where I tried to pretend I was in the Beast. I sat looking out the window at the same Ocean and imagined Milo was lying on the bed behind me. I could hear the waves and if I closed my eyes it felt like being back on the road. That is until a car pulled up right next to me blasting out some loud rap music.

So I'm now back at the big beach house, with Classic FM on my earphones, where it seems Milo has picked up on my mood and is behaving badly.

I'm not very good at talking about my feelings and find it easier to write them down. It's like therapy. So thank you to whoever is reading this as I feel better already! I know my main concern is, as is everybody's, is what my future holds. And it just seems a bit vacant at the moment...

Sometimes you just gotta scream...


Just Love...


Oooer... 

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14 comments:

  1. deiseman3333 October 2016 at 12:16

    I can see where you are coming from. Home is a word that covers soooo much

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    1. Nicci3 October 2016 at 13:42

      I feel like ET when I hear the word home... X

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  2. Jen3 October 2016 at 12:22

    Nicci..the one thing you have on your side is determination...its hard in life when you hit "the wall" but you do find the strength to go on...you just need to focus..focus on what's important..focus on what you need and then go for it!!..My struggles in life have and are many but I will never give up!:)

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  3. Jen3 October 2016 at 12:22

    Nicci..the one thing you have on your side is determination...its hard in life when you hit "the wall" but you do find the strength to go on...you just need to focus..focus on what's important..focus on what you need and then go for it!!..My struggles in life have and are many but I will never give up!:)

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    Replies
    1. Nicci3 October 2016 at 13:41

      I won't ever give up Jenni, just at a bit of a bend in the road just now X

      Delete
  4. Jen3 October 2016 at 12:24

    That was good until it doubled!!!😂😂

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  5. Jen3 October 2016 at 12:24

    That was good until it doubled!!!😂😂

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  6. Jen3 October 2016 at 12:45

    Ok..I'm not good at this "message " thing cos it always repeats!... but its Jenni (lil sis)..you have Mum and Pip and "The Frog"... so you have strength and love from them...you have the support of your friends and an end goal...so long as you have an end goal stay in the game!!!..;)

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  7. Jen3 October 2016 at 12:45

    Ok..I'm not good at this "message " thing cos it always repeats!... but its Jenni (lil sis)..you have Mum and Pip and "The Frog"... so you have strength and love from them...you have the support of your friends and an end goal...so long as you have an end goal stay in the game!!!..;)

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  8. Unknown4 October 2016 at 01:37

    Thank you for sharing this Nicci, it helps to get things out no matter how you do it by talking or by writing. Sorry you are feeling anxious it is a horrid emotion. You say you "shouldn`t" feel like you do because of sunshine etc. Many people, including me have been anxious without an obvious reason. Just take time to get some mind space and have confidence that you will navigate around that bend like you have many others xx

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    Replies
    1. Nicci4 October 2016 at 04:18

      Thank you Sheila, your kind words really help :) X

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    2. Unknown4 October 2016 at 06:26

      Very welcome Nicci x

      Delete
  9. tricia4 October 2016 at 12:56

    Nicci, I remember once experiencing panic attacks like you describe, it came out of nowhere and took me by surprise and was very frightening as I couldn't control it. I am sure it is to do with your home/work situation and not knowing where you will be living next. Take deep breathes and then exhale all the air in your lungs & that will help calm you down. Remember that you have loving family and friends who will be there for you. I am sure will find a great house sitting job & will be absolutely fine. My top tip, based on personal experience, is NOT to drink gin when you are depressed as it just makes everything worse, but anything else is fine :) xx

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