MiloandMe According To Milo...

I've not been myself of late. Just feeling a bit down and out of sorts. Not helped with hearing 'you're  so lucky, you have nothing to worry about, you have sunshine, you live in an idyllic location' etc etc.
Kind of makes me feel worse and unallowed to feel this way. I do believe anyone can feel anxious at any point in their life. The millionaire worrying what size speedboat to buy. The beautiful lady up-keeping  her looks. The holy man loosing his faith. We all wobble even when we seem to have it all. We are all, at some point, just holding it together on the inside and yet being perceived as sane! I think everyone in the world is just on the brink of madness. But I wouldn't have it any other way :)

So I've been doing lots of soul searching and trying to understand me. Not an easy task as I constantly change my mind or just shut down. Difficult talking to yourself when you don't want to talk about it lol. I have realised that I'm a person who likes solitude and always thought I should never admit it. But I am admitting it 'I like my own company' there I've said it! That's not to say I can't and won't be a party animal, I just know which I prefer.

I've now come up with a plan. I've discussed it with Milo and he is all for it. I'm going to rewrite my whole blog MiloandMe According To Milo. Every entry will be how Milo perceived the days events throughout our adventure.  I'm really going to enjoy doing this and feel quite focused. Now all I need to do is find a suitable quiet, rural location to park up the Beast and hibernate for the winter and get writing. Anyone in the Uk with a spare field I can borrow? (preferably with electric socket!)...

Happy Birthday Milo...

Four years ago Milo came into my life. How he got here is quite a funny story. I'd always been adamant I wouldn't have a dog. I believed dogs should be in large families with someone at home for the dog. Having always been a single mum I felt it would be unfair on any dog living with me and my son. My son had different ideas and spent years mythering me for a dog. I always stood my ground.

One day my son asked if he could talk to me about something important. I was all ears but he said what he had to say was extremely difficult. I became quite concerned and said he could tell me anything as I love him dearly. He said he didn't know how to tell me. At this point I was thinking all sorts and said just spit it out! "Mum" he said "my girlfriend is pregnant"... My mind went into overdrive and all I could say was "PREGNANT??!!"  "No" he replied "but I'm  getting a dog"
"Yes" I replied "of course, let's get a dog"...

And that's when we met Milo. My son made all the usual promises that he would walk him before and after his work and I wouldn't have to lift a finger to help! Of course my maternal instincts kicked in as soon as we brought Milo home and I've yet to see my son pick up pooh.

Two years ago my son decided to move into his own place and there was a moment when I was terrified he might want to take Milo with him. But I think even he knew at that point that Milo and Me were inseparable. I never knew how much love I could feel for Milo. If it wasn't for him I would never have done what I've done. Milo makes me want to get up in the morning (mainly because he wants his breakfast!).  He's my best friend and I hope we get to celebrate many more birthdays together...

My Milo...

The anxiety of man boobs...

I am trying to figure out  how I am feeling just now and I think it is anxious. I feel scared for no reason. I feel sick without being sick. I feel a struggle to breathe.  Busy places freak me out. Sounds panic me. My thoughts are overwhelming or absent. I feel like I miss 'me'...All of which good old Google describes as anxiety.

I shouldn't feel like this when the sun shines every day, I am surrounded by wonderful people and I don't live a 9 to 5 life. But I do. And I don't like this feeling. Today I sat in a cafe watching the Ocean crash onto the beach and tried to zone out. But an old fat hairy man sat in front of me, removed his top, exposed his 'man boobs' and proceeded to whistle loudly and out of tune. I got in the Mouse and drove to the cliff top. I parked up and sat in the passenger seat where I tried to pretend I was in the Beast. I sat looking out the window at the same Ocean and imagined Milo was lying on the bed behind me. I could hear the waves and if I closed my eyes it felt like being back on the road. That is until a car pulled up right next to me blasting out some loud rap music.

So I'm now back at the big beach house, with Classic FM on my earphones, where it seems Milo has picked up on my mood and is behaving badly.

I'm not very good at talking about my feelings and find it easier to write them down. It's like therapy. So thank you to whoever is reading this as I feel better already! I know my main concern is, as is everybody's, is what my future holds. And it just seems a bit vacant at the moment...

Sometimes you just gotta scream...

Just Love...

Oooer...